Learn to Manage Yourself for a Better Marriage

You can have a better marriage if you’re willing to improve the way you handle yourself.

After all, that’s truly the only person you can change. Isn’t it ironic how in marriage we work less at managing ourselves and more at controlling others? The greater irony is that it never works, yet we keep at it! Irony aside, trying to change or control your partner will only frustrate you and alienate your partner.

A Better Way

It makes more sense to focus on you. What kind of partner are you striving to be in your marriage relationship? And, how do you demonstrate this in your attitudes and beliefs about yourself and your partner? Your answers to these questions reveal your ongoing commitment to personal development in marriage, or a lack thereof. In marriage and in general, personal growth begins with …

Knowing Your Self

As Socrates once said, the unexamined life is not worth living. I would add that living the life you desire depends on whether or not you’re willing to examine the life you’re living. The life you’re living is the life you’ve chosen—and continue to choose each day. To choose differently you need to become aware of how you currently behave and manage yourself. Knowing how you think, feel, and act in response or reaction to the day-to-day situations of your life enables you to more quickly identify important issues or concerns and to communicate with greater clarity.

Awareness, then, is the key that unlocks this vital self information. Let’s take a closer look at these 3 arenas of awareness and how you can use them to manage yourself and nurture your marriage relationship.

1. Your Thoughts – The thinking arena involves your perspective and has a huge influence on your feelings and actions. Therefore you’ll want to cultivate a healthy thought life wherein thoughts about yourself, partner and marriage are basically fair, good, and loving. This means taking a zero tolerance attitude against thoughts that involve negative criticism, belittling, or blaming. While it may help you to release a little steam, thoughts like these can too easily become habitual toward yourself or your partner. Taking a stand against this kind of thinking is good self-management that safeguards your own mental health and your relationship.

2. Your Feelings – Your emotions pack a powerful influence on your thoughts and actions. Your ability to hand yourself well in this arena means managing your feelings or becoming emotionally smart. Research has shown that the emotionally intelligent person is decidedly aware of the power emotions exert and recognizes the importance of cultivating the skills necessary to handling them well for the sake of their personal and interpersonal wellbeing and success. Managing yourself means managing your emotions in ways that keep you positively connected with yourself and your partner. So, start acknowledging your feelings and develop a feeling vocabulary that can help you fully express this aspect of your being.


3. Your Actions – Your behavior flows seamlessly out of the unique mix of your thoughts and feelings. The healthier your thoughts and feelings are the easier it becomes to act the way you desire. If you believe your partner cares immensely about you that will likely provoke feelings of endearment. This thought and feeling, then, will likely lead to some loving action on your part. And even when your thoughts and feelings aren’t as positive as they can be your actions can turn them around! Managing yourself in this arena means aligning your actions with your core beliefs, and as you do you’ll begin cultivating healthier attitudes and habits that support your relationship goals!

I hope that what I’ve shared here helps you to envision what it takes to create more of the good times you desire in your marriage relationship. A better marriage can be yours if you’re willing to raise your expectations and step into a bigger vision.

About Crystal Hernandez

Crystal Hernandez, M.S., MFT, is a Relational Success Coach and Marriage and Family Life expert who writes and speaks on the subject of relational prosperity for married and marriage-minded professional women. She provides private and group coaching services and products aimed at helping you to cultivate authentic love and friendship, collaborative communication, and emotional closeness in your relationship. Get a free Prosperity in Marriage Mini e-Course and learn more about Crystal at her Relating Today website.
Be encouraged, ask questions, and gain practical information to start using right away at her blog Interpersonal Excellence with Crystal Hernandez.

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