Letting Go of the Guilt

I have this "inner" dilemma. I hate to let people down. When I am asked to do something I have a very hard time telling someone "no" - even if I would really rather not. I guess I feel obligated because they are my friend or because they did something for me, or because they really do need help.

I have learned the hard way that this is a problem for me. I have gotten stressed out, and neglected my health because of it.

You see, I am a people pleaser. So that means that I find great delight in helping others. I want people to be happy with me. I want them to find favor with me. Sometimes to my own detriment. And that puts great stress on me when I feel that I do anything that comes up short.

I am learning though. I am learning I can still be friends with someone and not go to their latest home party, BBQ, or get together. I don't have to have something else going on. It can be just because I have a busy week or because I need to do some projects around the house. And to my utter amazement - it can simply be because I don't want to! I am learning to allow myself that courtesy.

I am seeing that people can expect more of you when they know you are a "giver." They have no problem delegating tasks to you. But a friend of mine recently told me that "there will always be opportunity and there will always be needs." And she is so right. I can give until I'm blue in the face. There has got to be a line to draw somewhere. A line where I put my needs and my families needs first. It doesn't mean that I don't care. It simply means that I am finding a balance in my life and prioritizing my commitments.

I am still struggling with this issue of "letting people down." It is very, very hard for me to do. I tense up when people complain about not hearing from me, or that I am not keeping them updated on my family enough. And I struggle with hearing about other issues and comments as well. . But I am learning to "self-talk" to myself in more positive terms instead of guilty ones as I learn to deal with these demands placed upon me.

I am learning that I cannot own everyone else's thoughts and behavior...hard as that may be! I can't control how they feel towards me. What I can do, is love them and learn to let their comments, and demands go. It is a tug they place on me that I internalize; not my own standards for myself. And I know that I have a large, active family who all have great hearts for the Lord and for others. We do our best to give our all to everyone we care about and that is going to shift and rotate to different people during the seasons and phases of both their lives and our own.

I have a long ways to go as I learn these lessons and decrease the inner turmoil my heart feels as new issues come up each day in life. But I AM learning. And I'm thankful that I'm on a new path instead of the self-destructing old one that I have been on.

We all have enough demands in life without putting unnecessary ones on each other. Let's just love each other and enjoy one another when we can. That's what I'm learning to do. It's what I would recommend for my children, and now I'm recommending it for myself.

Article by:

~ Dionna Sanchez is learning to deal with stress/tensions by walking, slowing her life down, and laughing more. You can read more of Dionna’s thoughts through her blog at emphasisonmoms.blogspot.com

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